It's times like this that I wonder if all my previous efforts are worth anything. I have no direction, no future. I'm tired and worn out, and for what end? What do I do that a hundred other people can't? I don't know. Uselessness is a very empty feeling.

I figured since I was making the rounds and officially posting invitations to my next dinner (Saturday, April 17th), I probably ought to slap this blog up here at the top, and tell you to scan down about 6 posts to see the menu. I'll say again that if anyone has any special requests, let me know. I like a challenge. I pulled off fried okra last time; ANYTHING's possible.

I must be getting desperate, because I caught myself looking at gastric-bypass surgery websites today. Obviously, that would make sense if I were filthy rich, but I don't have that kind of money to spend. So I guess I'll have to do it the old-fashioned way. I'm going to do my best to limit myself to eating out 5 times a week. That's one for Sunday afternoon when I'm at Apache, two for the 2 nights I do Phoenix, and two for some other times during the week. That may still sound like a lot, but it's better than the 9-10 times I'm averaging right now. And while, yes, there's ways to eat out and still eat healthy, unfortunately it's farr too easy to just go to Sonic and eat the food I love instead. So this will be the starting point.

Five times is a cutback. It's not tremendously drastic, but it's not cold turkey, either. I've got so much low-fat food in my pantry just waiting to be cooked, yet I can't resist the urge to pull into Del Taco on the way home instead of eating intelligently at home. I can have two cups of Insta-Ramen for about 70 cents and be just as full as I'd be if I dropped $10 at Sonic. It's the truth.

I need to do this. I need some direction in my life. I'm not depressed, really, but I don't have ANYthing to keep me moving forward right now. I need something to do, so I might as well make an attempt to get healthy while I'm at it. And I'm posting it on the blog so I'll have some reason to keep to it, too, since if I just try and tell myself I'll do it, I can cheat and the onl;y person I have to answer to is myself, and I can ignore myself rather easily.

What got me going on this? I don't know. I've gained weight again... I'm back up to around 288 instead of 280, so obviously I'm not doing something right. I want to someday be below 200, but we'll see. I don't expect that to happen anytime within the next year or so, but that's a goal I'd love to achieve before I turn 26.

*sigh*

I dunno.

My brother wanted to go see Dawn of the Dead, so I offered to take him Saturday night. Tonight, he told me, "Uhh, some of us are going to the movies Sunday," so he doesn't want to go Saturday, too.

I guess he's growing up. He's got friends, and they go out and do stuff now... He used to jump at the chance I might take him to see a movie, let alone an R-rated one my mom didn't know we were going to see (Matrix Reloaded, for one).

I'm proud of him, that he's getting out and devloping social skills I never bothered to develop until it was too late. Yet at the same time I feel a Depressed coming on. I guess I didn't think I'd be something-suddenly-came-upped by my baby brother this soon. I'm afraid to blink, because I fear if I do, he'll be asking me to score a keg for a party for him and his buddies on Senior Ditch Day.

The air is replete with orange blossoms right now. I don't want to make it seem unpleasant, but I'm literally assaulted with odor every time I get out of my truck or my apartment. It's even stronger at my parents' house, since a lot of the houses over in that area have citrus trees. (Though, naturally, we were stuck with a grapefruit tree, that every year produces enough fruit to feed Liechtenstein for a month... which would be groovy, if I liked grapefruit. Why couldn't we have bought a house with a Fruitomic Punch Fruit Gushers tree?) Anyhow, it's a nice smell. It'll wear thin by its end, but for right now it's a pleasant change from smog.

Oh, man, Gushers... I hoard them every time they go on sale at Fry's. About twice a year, they'll go for 4/$5.00 instead of $2.29, and I'll stock up. It's not like they're going to go bad or anything. Then I'll eat a bunch, get tired of them, then a few months down the road I'll be reorganizing my cabinet and I'll find them, and I'll start all over.

I never intended for this to be solely a rant blog, so I'm glad I've been having an OK go at it. I may not come in here and blabber as much, but I'm sure it's much more pleasant for my readers. The dogs are doing okay, nothing spectacular, but pleasantly consistent. Things are just bobbing along.

I bought another body pillow tonight. These things are awesome. See, when I sleep, I'm usually splayed out all over my bed, and I've always had a hard time getting comfortable. Well, since I started accumulating pillows, I've never been more comfortable. The count is now 13 pillows to go along with my 2 comforters.

I have:

• 5 square pillows (about 1' by 1')
  
• 4 rectangular pillows (the "regular kind", about 2' by 1')
  
• one big "reading" pillow, the kind with little arm rests attached to it
  
• two 3' body pillows
  
• and the pièce de résistance, the new one I bought tonight, a 4'-long body pillow.

I'm quite pleased. I don't have a bed; I have a nest. I don't even sleep under both comforters... one is usually wadded up and used as a makeshift pillow.

Know what's ironic? When I don't have to be up in the morning, I almost always fall asleep on the couch anyway.

You know why The Daily Show is the best show on television? Because it makes me laugh out loud at 12:45 in the morning in my empty apartment.

They had mentioned on last night's (Wednesday night's, basically) show that Bishop Desmond Tutu had been scheduled to appear next week, but that MSNBC had told Tutu that if he made the appearance on The Daily Show, he wouldn't be allowed to appear on MSNBC's Hardball with Chris Matthews. (For anyone who watches the show with any regularity, you'll know that MSNBC is one of The Daily Show's favorite targets... not that they're not an EASY target, mind you.)

Tonight (Thursday night... by the time you read this, it'll be Friday), Jon Stewart led the show with the news that MSNBC had told the Bishop that it would indeed be okay for him to appear on The Daily Show. Stewart asked if that was any proper way to start a feud, then he said:

"I'd wanted to record the episode of Hardball where Chris Matthews said it was okay, but my Tivo didn't record the program. It wouldn't record it, not because of technical difficulties, but rather it wouldn't record MSNBC due to moral reasons. Yes... my DVR drew a line in the sand."

It's great. Two or three times a show, I'll bust out laughing before I can catch myself. If you're not watching it, you're missing a lot of great political and media satire.

I may start posting more often. I know I always claim I'm going to, but this time I'm serious. I may do more posts like the one immediately below (the Chet Anekwe quote) and less of the pouring-out-my-soul novellas. And if you haven't read about the next dinner, see two posts below.

"The most important component of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made."
-- Chet Anekwe

This is to be a quick blog, as I'm just waiting for tomorrow morning's workout sheets to print. I had gone to bed without preparing them, so it's a fortunate thing I happened to spring awake here ten minutes ago realizing I'd forgotten them.

Anyhow, I'm planning my next dinner for Saturday, April 17. I'm extending a blanket invitation to anyone who's interested. Let me know if you're coming via whatever contact medium suits you best... email, text msg, post in the Forum, call, fax, carrier pigeon... I'm not choosy.

So far, the fledgling menu is as follows:

• Pasta Salad of some sort
  
• Brookville Corn - a nifty homemade cream-and-corn dish
  
• Broocoli Cheese Soup, since it kinda sucked last time
  
• Brown Sugar Butternut Squash
  
• yeah, the Creole shrimp & sausage linguini thing
  
• Raisins & Rice Pudding
  
• and Roasted Applesauce for dessert.
  
• Oh yeah, and a couple loaves of my bread.
  

That's obviously not nearly enough food, so if anyone has any suggestions, PLEASE let me know. I'd love to make a chicken dish of some sort.

I'll put the alert out (I texted a few people earlier) as soon as I've settled on a more definite menu. But I'm already getting excited about it all. I LOVE putting these things on, and it's been far too long since my last one.

Well, since a few people told me how snazzy I looked, I finally scanned in the two pictures from August and September of last year. During the great blog drought, I won two trophies. Same drill: manually enter the URL in your browser bar.

http://tfg46.tripod.com/440-03.jpg
The August Stake was the Quarter Mile Challenge, wherein 1/4 mile equals 440 yards. JR's Georgia won it, though around the kennel she's better known as Georgia McPeach-Mee, the Haaaaard-Workin' Li'l Dog. No, we're not sure why either. She's our little kennel midget, and when she's on her game, she breaks like a rocket, which is necessary in the 440, since the box is placed right on the finish line and opens directly into the turn. Right after the break, they have to jack the box up and roll it off the track. (It, like the 770 below, isn't offered on a regular basis.) Anyhow, in the final, Jawwjuh-Peach drew the 8-box (you can just see the stripes peeking out from behind the victory satin that's draped over her tiny frame like a curtain), which is the furthest hole to the outside. She squirted right out and skated around trouble in the turn to win easily.

http://tfg46.tripod.com/770-03.jpg
The September Stake was the Marathon Challenge, over the 770-yard course, the longest distance currently run at Phoenix, and even at that they only run it during the Challenge anyway. So it's kind of a crapshoot, because you don't know how your dog's going to do until you enter them in the stake. Monk Rocks (pictured) only had one career win when I entered him on a hunch, and lo and behold, he snatched up a trophy. His performance in the Challenge was good enough to get him promoted to Wheeling when my dad opened up. They run 770's pretty regularly up there, usually one a day. Monky's doing all right for himself at the best track in the country.

So I'm gonna go back to my place and put those pictures back on the wall (I don't have a scanner at my apartment). In the meantime, I'll give you another photolink to look at:
http://tfg46.tripod.com/focacciaposter.jpg
That's from when I was in Austria with the CHS Jazz Band in the summer of '96. I found that poster when I was moving in to my apartment last April, and I scanned it in along with some ticket stubs and receipts from the trip. Maybe I'll delve into those more in a future post.

As advertised: the picture from the trophy presentation Friday night.

http://tfg46.tripod.com/tridist04.jpg

Ehh... Tripod. You have to enter that URL in your browser to see the pic; you can't simply click on the link, let alone I try and post the pic on here. They get touchy about remote access to image files on their servers. I know there's a way I can sign up to post pictures on here, since this is really the only site I use anymore.